


AuntAnt: So this is why God abandoned this timeline

by AestheticGalaxy



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Venom (Movie 2018)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Fuckin Americans and their words with no 'u's in them, Humor, I am God's mistake, M/M, Memes, Multi, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Out of Character, Polyamorous Character, They're all gay and depressed, Vines
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-28
Updated: 2019-04-23
Packaged: 2019-09-29 08:02:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17199680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AestheticGalaxy/pseuds/AestheticGalaxy
Summary: Lowkey: Are you texting us on a date?Valkillme: This isn't a date.AvacadoMan: 1... 2... 3...Valkillme: HOLY SHIT THIS IS A DATE





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I'm still kinda new to the Marvel fandom but uuhhhh I would die for Shuri k thanks.
> 
> *Group chats*
> 
> Hi Welcome to Chili's  
> \- Peter P, Shuri, Wade, Scott, Eddie/Venom, Loki.
> 
> Starks  
> \- Tony, Stephen, Peter P, Pepper.
> 
> Revengers Reassemble  
> \- Thor, Loki, Bruce, Brunnhilde
> 
> Avenge me pls  
> \- Everyone except: Pepper, Wade, Scott, Eddie/Venom, & Brunnhilde

**[Hi Welcome to Chili's]**

**BbySpider:** It is Wednesday my dudes.

 **Surei:** ahhhh

 **TaterThots:** hhhhhhhh

 **WWW:** hhhhhhhhHHHHHHH

 **AuntAnt:** HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

 **Lowkey:**  What?

 **Lowkey:** Why does this keep happening?

 **WWW:** Bc fuk u thats y

 **Lowkey:** I'd rather you didn't.

 **WWW:** u wanna fuk me?

 **Lowkey:** How do I leave this place?

 **Surei:** I wish I knew

 **AuntAnt:** You created this hellhoe now you gotta stay here

 **WWW:** hellhoe

 **Surei:** hellhoe

 **TaterThots:** hellhoe

 **BbySpider:** hellhoe

 **Lowkey:** Hellhoe?

 **AuntAnt:** So this is why God abandoned this timeline

 **Surei:** Bold of you to assume God had any control over this timeline

 **WWW:** waht does that even mean???? wHat the fuk?????

 **TaterThots:** So Peter what did you wanna talk about???

 **BbySpider:** ???

 **BbySpider:** O h yeah

 **BbySpider:** I think I have two (2) dads now

 **Surei:** Bitch you have like 8

 **BbySpider:** Fair but I MEAN I think Mr. Stark got a bf

 **TaterThots:** I thought he was engaged to that Pepper woman?

 **AuntAnt:** People can be poly Eddie

 **TaterThots:** We are Venom

 **AuntAnt:** People can be poly Venom

 **Surei:** Can't you two get separate contacts or smth??

 **TaterThots:**   _We_ are Venom.

 **Surei:** Understandable, have a nice day.

 **WWW:** So who's Stark's new fuckboi

 **BbySpider:** Idk his real name but his fake name is Dr. Strange

 **Surei:** You

 **Surei:** You mean Doctor Stephen Strange?

 **BbySpider:** Ye

 **Surei:** Oh Peter

 **Surei:** You poor sweet child

 **BbySpider:** ?

 **Lowkey:** The wizard?

 **TaterThots:** There are wizards????

 **WWW:** Bitch you are literally a space parasite 

 **TaterThots:** NOT A PARASITE

 **TaterThots:** V is not a parasite only we get to call him a parasite bc he's our parasite

 **AuntAnt:** ...Eddie?

 **TaterThots:** Yeah, V got upset and is now eating everything in sight so now I gotta deal with an overly emotional alien symbiote

 **[TaterThots** is now offline **]**

 **Lowkey:** ... Oof?

 **BbySpider:**   _Yessssssss_

 **Surei:**   _Yesssssssssssssss_

* * *

 

**[Revengers Reassemble]**

**ThorOdinson:** Brother,

 **Lowkey:** Whatever it is you think I did, I didn't, the Spiderling boy can vouch for me.

 **ThorOdinson:** I was going to ask if you'd order pizza for us but okay

 **Lowkey:** Oh yeah I can do that.

 **Valkillme:** ahsgfdkagf bITCH

 **Valkillme:** You're getting pizza without me????

 **ThorOdinson:** We'll get some for when you get back!!!

 **AvacadoMan:** Where are you anyway?

 **Valkillme:** A pretty woman asked me if I wanted to watch a movie with her now we're getting coffee

 **Lowkey:** Are you texting us on a date?

 **Valkillme:** This isn't a date.

 **AvacadoMan:** 1... 2... 3...

 **Valkillme:** HOLY SHIT THIS IS A DATE

 **[Valkillme** is now offline **]**

 **Lowkey:** How do you unintentionally go on a date with someone???

 **AvacadoMan:** Says the man who unintentionally got a Sugar Daddy

 **Lowkey:** For the last time, THE GRANDMASTER WAS NOT MY SUGAR DADDY

 **ThorOdinson:** Okay but consider this:

 **ThorOdinson:** He was.

 **Lowkey:** I hate this family.


	2. Chapter 2

**[Starks]**

**Stanky:** Peter where are you?

 **BbySpider:** School?

 **StrangerThings:** It's Saturday, try again.

 **BbySpider:** ...

 **BbySpider:** On top of the building

 **Salt:** wtf

 **Stanky:** Why are you on top of the buildingohmygodgetdownfromthereyouregonnahurtyourself

 **StrangerThings:** I'll handle this

 **BbySpider:** wait wait nonono

 **BbySpider:** STOP PORTALING ME ABOUT I DON'T LIKE ITTTTTTT

 **Salt:** We don't like you sitting on the roof with no supervision

 **BbySpider:** :(

 **BbySpider:** Fair point, what's up?

 **StrangerThings:** We'd like a word with you.

 **Salt:** That sounds way too serious you'll freak the kid out!

 **Salt:** Peter, we wanna tell you something that you've gotta promise to not share, okay?

 **BbySpider:** Even from the Avengers?

 **Stanky:** Especially from the Avengers

 **BbySpider:** Well damn okay.

 **StrangerThings:** See Peter, as you get older relationships often get more... Complicated and some romantic relationships can involve multiple people at the same time.

 **BbySpider:** Is this about you and Mr. Stark dating even though he's engaged to Miss. Potts?

 **StrangerThings:** Uh...

 **Stanky:** I told you he was a smart kid

 **Stanky:** But yes Peter, I am dating Stephen and I am still engaged to Pepper. We all agreed that this was the best arrangement for us and we are all happy with it.

 **Salt:** However, this is still a very new arrangement and we're still trying to work out a few things so it would be best if you didn't tell anyone

 **BbySpider:** Kk cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool no doubt no doubt no doubt

 **BbySpider:** While I have you all here I need... Advice.

 **Stanky:**  Oh shit the actual parenting part of parenting yeah what's up?

 **BbySpider:** So let's say I was stuck on the ceiling 

 **Stanky:**   _Christ_

* * *

**[Avenge me pls]**

**WakandaForever:** If one wanted to go about murdering a sibling, how would one go about it? 

 **Surei:** If this is about earlier then I'm sorry but you tempted me!

 **WakandaForever:** How??? I don't understand???

 **Surei:** Say exactly what you said to me

 **WakandaForever:** "Who's chicken strips are these?"

 **BbySpider:** F*CK YA CHICKEN STRIPS

 **WakandaForever:** Oooooh 

 **WakandaForever:** I hate you both.

 **BbySpider:** That's fair

 **MamaSpider:** Bitch don't you fucking dare insult my child

 **Stanky:** The kid's mine I stole him first

 **MamaSpider:** Yeah well I'm stealing him again

 **Fucky:** Maybe you shouldn't steal children...

 **BbySpider:** Shhh, I wanna see how this plays out

 **Fucky:** Steve help

 **MURICA:** Shhhh

 **MamaSpider:** Y'know, if the kid was mine I could teach him how to not rely on all that tech that you supply him with

 **Stanky:** So you'd let him be more open and vulnerable to being shot or stabbed?

 **MamaSpider:** I could teach him how to kill a man with his little toe

 **Stanky:** I could give him all he needs to knock out 20 people at the click of a button

 **Fucky:** Pls make them stop the phone vibrations are scaring my goats

 **Lowkey:** All of you hush, the spiderling can choose for himself

 **ThorOdinson:** Brother, shut up your like, 12 in Midgardian years

 **BbySpider:** what

 **Lowkey:** First of all, I'm 17 in Midgardian years and second, I don't see why that should change the value of my opinion

**BbySpider:** _what_

**BbySpider:**   _Mr. Loki explain_

 **[** **Lowkey** is now offline **]**

 **BbySpider:**   _Bitch_

 **Stanky:** Language!

 **AvacadoMan:** Language

 **MamaSpider:** Language!!!!

 **MURICA:** Language!

 **Fucky:** .... I mean I can't really say anything can I

 **WakandaForever:** Language child!

 **BbySpider:** ... English?

 **Stanky:**   _No._

 **StrangerThings:** The kids old enough to swear

 **Stanky:** The kid isn't old enough to use the microwave!

 **MURICA:** Isn't he... Literally a superhero?

 **BbySpider:** That was one time Mr. Stark!!!!!

 **Surei:** Apparently not.

* * *

 

 

**[Hi Welcome to Chili's]**

**BbySpider:**   _MR. LOKI EXPLAIN_

 **WWW:** whoa whoa wtf happened kid?

 **BbySpider:** LOKI IS 17

 **Lowkey:** It's just an equivalent

 **Surei:** Wtf tho dude

 **BbySpider:** Shuri, do you know what this means?

 **Surei:** ... No!

 **BbySpider:**   _He's technically gen Z_

 **AuntAnt:** Holy shit

 **BbySpider:** He's one of us

 **TaterThots:** Oh shit what's happening

 **Lowkey:** I have never been more terrified in my life.

 **Surei:** You should be

 **BbySpider:**   _Send the vines_

 **Lowkey:** I'm so scared what does this mean?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Loki/Peter friendship is all I wanted from Marvel and it was strIPPED AWAY FROM ME


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to be clear, INFINITY WAR DIDN'T HAPPEN HERE. Thank chu

**[Revengers Reassemble]**

**Valkillme:** EMERGENCY

 **Lowkey:** Oof, spill the tea

 **Valkillme:** PRETTY LADY ASKED ME ON A SECOND DATE WHAT DO I DO

 **AvacadoMan:** Say yes???

 **Valkillme:** I'm sorry what now

 **ThorOdinson:** Do you like her?

 **Valkillme:** Yes????? Is that a question????? She is like a garden of roses if it were a person???

 **ThorOdinson:** Then  _talk to her_

 **Valkillme:** ??????

 **AvacadoMan:** You can't get a girlfriend if you don't talk to girls

 **Valkillme:** But....

 **Valkillme:** finneeeeeee

 **Lowkey:** Be gay, do crime

 **Valkillme:** On it

 **ThorOdinson:** NO!!!! DO NOT DO CRIME!!!!! BAD IDEA!!!!!

 **AvacadoMan:** Why would you even suggest that???

 **Lowkey:** BECAUSE FUCK YOU THAT'S WHY

 **AvacadoMan:** Rude.

 **ThorOdinson:** ...

* * *

 

**[Avenge me pls]**

**ThorOdinson:** YOU BROKE LOKI

 **Lowkey:** The only thing that's broke is my mental state and my bank account

 **BbySpider:** I think I improved him

 **Surei:** YOU FUCKED UP A PERFECTLY GOOD GOD THAT'S WHAT YOU DID. LOOK AT HIM! HE'S GOT ANXIETY!

 **StrangerThings:** What is happening

 **Stanky:** My worst nightmare

 **StrangerThings:** I thought you said your worst nightmare was watching Peter die in front of you

 **Stanky:** My second worst nightmare

 **BbySpider:** Aw, Dad

 **BbySpider:** TONY**

 **BbySpider:** MR. STARK********

**Surei:** [This is Peter's ringtone when Stark calls him](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BsuY9lHxg88)

**BbySpider:** STOP CALLING ME OUT

 **Stanky:** Do you see me as a father figure?

 **BbySpider:** If anything I see you as a  _bother_ figure

 **[Stanky** is now offline **]**

 **StrangerThings:** Look at what you did Peter, now he's sad

 **BbySpider:** D:

 **Fucky:** Okay what the fuck actually just happened

 **Lowkey:** Fucked if I know bro

 **CawCawMF:** This is why I don't talk to you guys outside of fighting.

* * *

 

**[Hi Welcome to** **Chili's]**

**Lowkey:** It is Wednesday my dudes

 **TaterThots:** aaaaaaaa

 **Surei:** aaaahhhhhhhhh

 **WWW:** hhhhhhhhhhh

 **AuntAnt:** hhhHHHHHHHHHH

 **BbySpider:** HHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

 **Lowkey:** Is the past tense of 'yeet' yeeted or yote?

 **TaterThots:** Yote (V agrees with this)

 **AuntAnt:** Yeeted? I yeeted my phone across the room

 **BbySpider:** ^

 **WWW:** It's YOTE. I YOTE my phone across the room

 **Surei:** No no no, it is yeeted. Trust me i'm a scientist.

 **WWW:** Trust me I can't die

 **BbySpider:** What a sad existence

 **Surei:** If 'yeet' is a verb then the past tense should be 'yeeted' considering that's how past tense verbs end. To yeet something that can be yeeted.

 **TaterThots:** Unless it's an irregular like 'to do'. You wouldnt say 'I doed'

 **AuntAnt:** Bitch I might 

 **LowKey:** Can I get a waffle? Can I PLEASE get a waffle????

 **BbySpider:** I doed my homework last night

 **Surei:** Well that's a lie

 **TaterThots:** All this talk about verbs is reminding me of French class

 **WWW:** What's Yeet in french?

 **BbySpider:** 'Yeet' but the Y and the T are silent

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last section is just my brain at 3am I hope you enjoy (I swear I don't do drugs)


	4. Chapter 4

**[Hi Welcome To Chili's]**

**BbySpider:** I need you guys to take me seriously

 **Surei:** I take you as seriously as a kitten wrapped in a blanket but go off ig

 **BbySpider:** Do parallel universes exist of nah?

 **AuntAnt:** It's a possibility

 **Lowkey:** Every choice you make presents different pathways, the pathway you chose leads onto other pathways and those pathways lead onto other pathways. But what if you chose a different pathway the first time around? Your life could be completely different. Every choice you make leads to a parallel universe where a different choice is made.

 **WWW:** they do exist i've been to some

 **TaterThots:** Does that mean theres a universe that Eddie and us never met???

 **Surei:** There'll be multiple that you guys never met in

 **TaterThots:** Either way, I'm glad to be in the universe I met Vee <3

 **TaterThots:** <3

 **Surei:** Can I interest you gays in a new phone so this is less weird for everyone else?

 **AuntAnt:** wait hold up wade wtf did you just say

 **WWW:** I've been to parallel universes. They suck.

 **BbySpider:** Whoa that's so cool!

 **BbySpider:** What were they like???

 **WWW:** I kinda killed you in one of them so not that great tbh

 **BbySpider:** WHAT

 **Lowkey:** Does that mean there's a universe where I'm not a little bitch?

 **WWW:** Not really.

 **Lowkey:** Damn okay.

 **Surei:** If there's really a universe for every possibility then that means theres gonna be some pretty fucked up universes

 **BbySpider:** Universe where I'm straight

 **Surei:** Okay that's just straight up not possible 

 **AuntAnt:** Ur gay?

 **BbySpider:** tf no????

 **[BbySpider** has changed their name to  **Biderman]**

 **WWW:** OH C'MON. THE KID ONE????

 **TaterThots:** Is anyone here actually straight tho?

 **AuntAnt:** ... yeah

 **Surei:** girls are magical

 **WWW:** What's the point in having a sexuality when you could just... not

 **TaterThots:** We don't know what being straight is so we're gonna say no

 **Surei:** Fair enough

* * *

 

**[Avenge me pls]**

**ThorOdinson:** Brother, what are you staring at on your phone?

 **Lowkey:** Why are you calling me out on here instead of irl?

 **ThorOdinson:** Because I tried talking to your face and you ignored me

 **Lowkey:** Oh sorry my b

 **Biderman:** I've been sending Mr. Loki memes for the last 20 minutes that'll be my fault

 **Fucky:** Who tf are you???

 **Biderman:** Uhhh, I think I'm Peter?

 **Stanky:** ... This is how you chose to come out to us?

 **Biderman:** What?

 **Biderman:** OH SHIT

 **MURICA:** How did he come out???

 **MamaSpider:** He's bi Steve.

 **MURICA:** Ah yes.... I know.... Exactly what that means

 **StrangerThings:** He likes guys and girls

 **MURICA:** THATS A THING????

 **AvacadoMan:** Yeah,,,

 **MURICA:** I THINK I MIGHT BE BI

 **Fucky:** holy shit

 **Witch:** You're just realising this?

 **Biderman:** I thought Mr. Rogers and Mr. Barnes were dating

 **ThorOdinson:** Same here

 **Lowkey:** Mood

 **Surei:** They aren't?

 **StrangerThings:** Stop teasing them kids.

 **Biderman:** Sorry dad

 **Biderman:** SHIT I MEAN SORRY DR DAD

 **Biderman:** DAD STRANGE

 **Biderman:** DR STRANGE

 **Surei:** Do you ever proof read?

 **Biderman:** I'm gay I can't read

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've only just been able to watch Spiderman: Into The Spiderverse and holy shit i'm gay for Gwen fuckkkkkkkkk


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally 'Pretty lady' was gonna be just a random woman but uhhhhh I hope y'all enjoy
> 
> Also only a small update because I need to emotionally prepare for Endgame by memeing

**[Revengers Reassemble]**

**Valkillme:** Why is there a snake on the couch? Is that Loki?

 **ThorOdinson:** Probably

 **AvacadoMan:** Didn't he leave like, 2 hours ago?

 **Valkillme:** idk dude I just got here

 **AvacadoMan:** How do we determine if it's Loki?

 **ThorOdinson:** Road work ahead

 **Valkillme:** what?

 **Lowkey:** Uh, yeah I sure hope it does

 **Valkillme:** wtf just fucking happened?

 **ThorOdinson:** It's the easiest way to find him and the young ones

 **Lowkey:** and Scott, Wade, and Eddie

 **ThorOdinson:** Who are they??

 **Lowkey:** I haven't the slightest idea

 **Valkillme:** Enough, is this snake you?

 **Lowkey:** Oh no that's Jared

 **AvacadoMan:** Jared.

 **AvacadoMan:** The Snake.

 **Lowkey:** Yeah.

 **Lowkey:** But anyway, Brunnhilde, who was that pretty woman you were with earlier?

 **Valkillme:** Carol <3 <3 <3

 **ThorOdinson:** Oh?

 **AvacadoMan:** Is that the woman you've been seeing for the last few months?

 **Valkillme:** She could beat me up and I wouldn't even be mad about it

 **AvacadoMan:** Wow, that serious?

 **Valkillme:** <3 <3 <3 <3

 **Lowkey:** Ew feelings

 **ThorOdinson:** Are you seriously that repulsed by affection

 **Lowkey:** It disgusts me

 **ThorOdinson:** Bruce, you have the most beautiful mind out of all the people I've met in all the nine realms and I cherish every day that I get to call you mine

 **AvacadoMan:** I...

 **Valkillme:** I think you broke him

 **Lowkey:** DISGUSTANG

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to see Endgame on the 28 but my 'friend' is going to see it on the 27 and my friend is going to watch it on the 26 so we've all agreed to not talk to each other all weekend

**Author's Note:**

> I'd write more but uhhhh this is the third time I've re-wrote this whole chapter and I don't really wanna lose it again.


End file.
